Laserblast (1978) is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. Charles Band, the producer of Laserblast, is a kind of hero in the B-Movie world, having helmed both Empire Pictures and Full Moon Productions, but his presence and pulpy sensibility isn’t really felt here. The main problem with Laserblast is that it feels like no one behind the camera was exerting any sort of creative control or input.
Laserblast follows a disenfranchised teen named Billy (Kim Milford) over three days after he finds a laser gun. With this new found power the somnambulist youth begins dealing out his own brand of justice before giving way to green skin and general mayhem. Luckily a duo of adorable stop-motion aliens comes to Earth and kills Billy before too many innocents can be hurt.
This brief synopsis makes Laserblast sound a lot more compelling than it actually is. In fact, there really isn’t much sound at all. Billy is often seen gesticulating wildly with his laser in total silence. The chronically sleepy Billy and his girlfriend Kathy (Cheryl Smith) have an equally unexciting sex scene that titillates about as much as a dose of zolpidem. In addition to Billy’s “rousing” exploits, the film itself is padded with takes that go on for too long or even repeat in one instance. This bizarre pacing and lack of action induces a trancelike state in the viewer that is wholly unique and totally unintentional.
What makes Laserblast fun are the weird scenes with the legendary Keenan Wynn (“Hush, hush”), the cute turtle-like aliens, the psycho sharp shooter in a helicopter, and the thinly veiled contempt for Star Wars (1977). Laserblast is fun, but definitely requires a friend to share the experience with. This is a film unique in its awfulness; the stupidity is iconoclastic. A familiarity with drive-in movies will definitely help one’s enjoyment of this turkey.
